If Only For You
by SciFiobsession
Summary: Accidents can be good too. They can make you see and feel something you never knew was there. Fluff and other stuff. I should apologize, but also say you're welcome :) Okay! GO! Enjoy this and PLEASE REVIEW 3
1. If Only For You

If Only For You

_**A/N I don't really write phanfiction because I don't know how Dan and Phil think about it, but someone wanted me to, so I will. By writing this I am not saying, claiming, or thinking that they are actually together or anything like that. This is just for fun, so enjoy!**_

**Phil's POV**

I suppose accidents happen. They aren't always good, but likewise, they aren't always bad. Sometimes accidents are really fate calling for something to happen now, rather than later. It's better not to make a big deal about it. Just let it happen. Everything happens for a reason, and every reason is a part of your life.

It was Tuesday night, and Dan was about ready to start his live show on YouNow. He had asked me to join him for it. Apparently on his last show, a lot of people had been asking for him to get me, and he said that he'd try to get me on the next time.

I was fine with it. I didn't have anything else to do anyway. I would probably just be online all night, and Dan was my best friend, so of course I'd help him out with the show.

"Ready?" Dan asked, logging onto the website.

"Sure," I said, handing him one of two mugs of tea I had made.

He took it and thanked me, before clicking the BROADCAST button. There was a short tone before the screen popped up and we were live. Dan started his test to see if it was working. We were live and broadcasting to a ton of people within a matter of minutes.

I smiled at the happy reactions of people who saw me there with Dan, and laughed slightly. I didn't want to draw too much attention away from him though, so I just sipped quietly at my tea for a while.

After about 10 minutes, Dan and I were already cackling and talking about the weirdest and most random and sometimes embarrassing things.

"Phil, Phil, remember that one time when you were really tired because of jet lag, and when Tesco came, you put everything away, but you put the cereal in the freezer and the ice cream in the cupboard?" Dan laughed.

"Yeah, well you were tired too! You were the one who went into the cupboard and poured yourself a bowl of melted ice cream and put milk in it!" I said, trying to defend myself against the sadly true story.

The comments section was blowing up with "lol's" about the random and strange story.

We did a short Q&A section, answering all kinds of questions that people sent us. We skipped over most of the questions asking us about 'phan', and if we are a relationship. We obviously aren't. Dan is my best friend, nothing more.

"Favorite animal? I think we've made that quite clear… Lion," I said.

"Llama," Dan finished.

"First word that pops into your head?" Dan read out.

We signaled One, Two, And Three. "Walrus!" We both said at the same time, snapping our heads to face each other when we heard each other say the same thing. We broke down in laughter, and talked about the complete randomness of it.

"OH!" Dan exclaimed suddenly. "I have to show you what Phil and I bought in town this week!" He stood up and started to walk over to the table that was a little bit behind us.

While he was making his way over to the table, he tripped on the lamp cord. Usually all that would do is cause a person to stumble slightly. Unfortunately in this case, that wasn't it. You see as he fell, the wire had managed to tangle around his foot. The glass lamp was pulled right off the table and onto Dan. It shattered, sending glass and sparks flying all over him. It was like something out of a cartoon, except more serious.

It all happened in an instant. I was so shocked and stunned for a minute, but I stood up and ran over to him immediately. I left the camera running, as Dan was first priority.

He had a hand on his head, and was moaning quietly.

"Dan? Dan are you okay?"I tried to pull him to his feet and out of the glassy mess.  
He swayed from side to side, as if he wasn't completely in control of his movements. He also wouldn't answer me. I looked straight into his slightly unfocussed eyes with concern.

"You're going to be okay!" I pulled him into my arms, and hugged him tight.

I stood there just like that for a few moments, supporting him, and trying to calm him down by keeping him in a hug. It took a while for him to seem any better, but eventually I felt his arms wrap around my back, hugging me in return. I smiled at that. "You're alright," I whispered into his ear. I suddenly found myself kissing his cheek.

It took another five minutes before he was completely better. I pulled away from our embrace, and looked into his eyes to find them more focused. He had a few cuts and scrapes on his face, but he seemed okay. The shock was what had done it for him before. "I always hated that lamp anyways," I said, causing us both to laugh.

"Thanks, Phil," he said.

"For what?"

He just smiled and pulled me into another hug, except this time, as we pulled away, he gently placed his lips against mine. My eyes were wide with shock, but the shock lessened and turned to happiness. He moved his lips from mine and whispered, "For everything".

_Did I just kiss my best friend?_

We stood there in silence for a while, both of us smiling ridiculously. All of a sudden, we looked up and saw the camera.

Our eyes were wide as we slowly walked to Dan's laptop.

"Sh-hey guys!" Dan said in a false cheery tone. "Sorry about that short intermission." He chuckled a bit before whispering, "I'm really trying here."

The comments were dead. There were still a ton of people watching, but no one was saying anything. I blinked several times, and whispered to Dan asking him if we should just end it. He was too stunned to answer, and I figured he had been shocked enough tonight. I shut the laptop and turned off the camera.

I dragged Dan to the couch, where I had him lie down. I leaned against the arm of the couch and tore my fingers through my hair. _What even just happened?_

"Phil?" I heard Dan's whisper from behind me.

"Yeah?" I answered, turning around and fixing my now tousled hair.

"Calm down and sit down," he said, sliding up into a sitting position to make room for me.

I took a seat. This time, as the thought came into my head, I didn't hesitate to speak. "What even just happened?"

Dan tilted his head slightly as he stared as his hands. I didn't know if he was going to say anything.

"Hang on," I said getting up and jogging to the kitchen. I returned a minute later with a damp cloth. I saw him looking at it curiously. "You have blood on your face," I informed him, scooting up next to him and dabbing at the cuts on his face. "You are alright, right?"

"Yeah," he whispered. He was definitely not okay. "I'm sorry about the lamp and everything."

"Dan, its fine. Like I said, I hated that lamp, didn't you?" I smiled and looked him in the eyes, still dabbing the blood off his face. He held my gaze.

"What are we going to do?" Dan asked.

I hesitated for a minute. "You are going to go change into something without blood on it, and I am going to sweep up the glass."

"That's not what I meant," Dan remarked, smirking slightly because he knew that I knew what he meant.

"I know it's not, but that's what we are doing now." With that I stood up, pecked him on the lips, and walked out of the room. _Where was this side of me coming from? Are things going to change now? Is he still just my best friend?_

Half an hour later, we were both back sitting on the couch. Dan had made a bowl of popcorn.

I was just about to speak up when Dan did. "So I guess we should probably talk, huh?"

"Yeah," I chuckled softly.

"We kissed, and it was unexpected, and the camera was on, and hundreds of people were watching." He paused. "We might as well get it all there to start with," he finished. We both giggled at the awkwardness.

"It really wasn't bad you know," I gulped.

"Phil, there will be pictures and fake stories everywhere, and people won't know what to believe!"

"I meant when we kissed."

"Oh. Yeah that wasn't bad." We both were smiling.

"This is probably the most awkward conversation we have ever had. Dan, come on, let's just talk about what this means." I was clueless.

"I don't know, I mean it was really really not bad, but does this make things awkward, I mean, until tonight, you have just been my best friend," Dan said, biting his lip.

"Yeah, until tonight, you were just my friend. But tonight…" I trailed off and decided that the best thing to do would probably be to just go with the wind. Whatever we felt was right could happen.

I must have been staring off into empty space, because I was surprised when I found Dan sitting practically on my lap, and pressing his lips against mine once again. I kissed him back, moving one hand to his cheek, and the other to his hair. It was so strange, but not necessarily in a bad way.

He pushed me backwards and remained on top of me. We kissed for a while longer. Dan laid his head on my chest and sighed with happiness. We'd deal with what the fans were thinking later.

"Phil?" Dan called.

"Hm?"

"I'm kind of not sorry I broke that lamp now." I felt his smile through my shirt, and chuckled. I completely agreed.

Okay this is my first Phanfiction. Please don't really hate on it, I kind of felt awkward writing it. Hopefully there are not too many mistakes, but I apologize if there were, I wrote most of this at 2:00 in the morning (How am I supposed to sleep when the Happy Little Pill video might be coming out?) Anyway, please drop a comment in that box down there vvv Bye! ~Lexi~


	2. So How Do I Explain This?

So How Do I Explain This?

Dan's POV:

I slowly opened my eyes to find myself in the lounge. Memories of the night before drifted into my head, and I wondered if they were a dream or not. Suddenly I became aware of an arm around my chest. I was lying up against Phil. I attempted to blink the sleep out of my eyes as I craned my neck around to see if he was awake. Nope. He was still asleep, a goofy grin plastered to his face as he dreamed.

I didn't remember falling asleep. I only remembered us talking, and at one point, kissing. That was good. I'd love to say it is one of those things where I've had these feelings for a long time, and all of a sudden my dream came true, but that wouldn't be right. Phil has always just been my friend.

I felt him stir from beneath me, and heard a short puppy-like yawn. I watched him. His reaction was similar to mine; surprised about his surroundings, and everything being remembered when he felt me there.

"Hey Phil," I whispered.

"Hi Dan," He whispered back, searching for where his glasses had fallen to in his sleep.

There wasn't much else to say, but I slid out from his arm and propped my back against the other arm of the couch. We simultaneously began to fix our hair, hoping that it didn't look too bad.

"Well," Phil began, cutting through the awkward, yet comfortable silence. "What do you want for breakfast, sir?" He winked at that last bit.

"I don't think we have anything but cereal, sir," I chuckled, tossing his "sir" back at him playfully.

"Cereal it is then!" He jumped up, still grinning, and held his hand out to me. This was so strange, but I didn't hesitate from grasping it with my own. He pulled me up, and we walked hand in hand through the narrow hallway to the kitchen and living room.

Phil and I both looked toward the camera that was still sitting at the table where we had done a very new kind of live show. We both groaned slightly and looked at each other. We had to tell the internet something. We also had to go see what everyone was saying about us.

Two bowls of cereal, two teas, and five minutes of making us extra comfortable on the couch later, the two of us were simultaneously logging onto our Macbooks. Phil began with Twitter, and I started with Tumblr. We searched through our tags.

The Twitter results all pretty much resembled this.

**Phangirl0789 **_** Theextremephangirl:**_** danisnotonfire, AmazingPhil, what just happened? #YouNow #What**

We both giggled at the confusion. We had been just as confused about what happened as they were.

The Tumblr posts contained a few YouNow snapshots, but the comments and tags were still confused.

Phil broke out into a laugh when he saw something. He just stared at it for a minute, and then continued his laughter.

"What?" I asked, leaning into him to try and see the screen.

"There is one person who messaged me. She said, and I quote, this; 'Hi Phil, so I know a lot of people are discussing what happened between you and Dan on the live show last night, but I am really desperate to find out one thing. What was it that Dan was going to show us? What did you guys buy in town?'" Phil looked up, and we both were giggling. "I like her," he said with a smile.

It was funny. Unlike everyone else who was dwelling over the fact that we had kissed on camera, she just wanted to know what I was getting from the table. I sensed a video coming up soon.

"So how are we going to do this?" I asked. "Should we to tell them over another spontaneous live show and make a video afterwards for everyone else?"

Phil nodded shakily. "Dan, what are we going to tell them?"

I scooted closer. "Well, I guess maybe it was pure adrenaline and the thrill of the moment that got me thinking, but I liked it. So, Phil, will you be my boyfriend?" I smiled, incredibly nervous as I was to be asking him this, I was happy. I wanted my best friend to be my boyfriend.

He looked at me for a moment and tilted his head to the side. Was he being serious, or was he just trying to make me suffer? Finally he stopped and smiled at me. "Of course I will, you idiot." With that he swiftly pulled me by the waist onto him, where he kissed me happily. It was still so new. It was also still so good.

We decided to alert all of the social media sites before starting the show; the message on everything was short. "Hey guys! Come watch this live show in 5 minutes. We need to talk."

After posting it on Tumblr, Twitter, Facebook, and even texting a few friends, we logged onto my YouNow. There was one last weary expression exchanged before Phil clicked the BROADCAST button.

We stayed silent as we watched the "people watching" number grow increasingly larger. People starting typing hi's into the comments, and we recognized a few of the names as people we knew in person.

Once the number got bigger, we looked at each other and simultaneously said "Hi!" awkwardly to the people.

"So I guess some of you guys are kind of curious about what all just happened on the show last night, huh?" Phil giggled slightly. I could tell how uncomfortable he was, so I took over.

"So basically I was going to get up to show you guys something we bought, which honestly I can't even remember what it was right now, but my relentless cycle of fails continued, as I tripped over the lamp cord and knocked it off the table onto me. That is why my face is looking all strange today. So Phil here, being the best friend in the whole world he is," he stopped to watch me blush, ran over to help me out because I was covered in glass and sparks."

Phil started again. "So I am running over and attempting to help Daniel here up, just like any person would, and he's pretty unstable at that moment, as he did just hit his head on the floor and have a lamp break on his body. So I am hugging him to keep him stable. Nothing weird, I mean we are best friends."

I took over once more. "But then, when I kind of came to, and realized how absolutely grateful I was to have Phil there." I smiled and chuckled slightly. "That sounded cheesy," he smiled. "So then I did something completely unexpected. I kissed Phil. I think we were both quite shocked."

We paused for a moment, watching comments pour in. Some comments were good, others were bad. They mostly were all asking us to continue because they wanted to know what we thought. I gave Phil's hand, which was intertwined with mine beneath the table, a quick squeeze.

"Phil and I have really always just been best friends. I don't even know about him, but I didn't think I was even gay. We had to talk about it of course, and, well, we are together now." We raised our clasped hands up in front of the lens and smiled. "This is still new to us, and we have a lot to talk about. We haven't even talked to our families yet, so that is important. That's it for now, just thought we'd update you guys. We'll talk to you all soon! Byee!"

As we hopped up from the chairs at the table, Phil looked at me. "That was cruel," he chuckled.

"What?" I asked, pretending to be innocent.

"Springing that on them and then disappearing quickly."

We both just laughed. We really did have to talk to our parents. Right now, however, I think we both just wanted to take a short break from being stressed about what everyone would think of us.

We spent most of the afternoon curled up on the couch together, watching old movies like some unrealistic love story. It did feel unbelievable, but it was all so real.

So, I decided I would do this for a while longer

I will attempt to update it pretty soon again! Once again, I apologize for any grammatical or factual mistakes; I do most of my writing at 2:00 in the morning… (Not claiming that these things are real or they are in a relationship or any of that. I also don't own YouNow [obviously]) Okay, bye for now! ~Lexi~ (PLEASE REVIEW!)


	3. Well Here's A Surprise

Well Here's A Surprise

DAN'S POV

It was getting later, and Phil and I were getting tired, so we figured we should call our parents. We wanted to invite them all over for dinner to tell them the news. Nerves were rising into my stomach, and churning it into a knot. If Phil weren't sitting next to me while I Skyped my family, I probably would pass out from anxiety.

I pressed "CALL", and waited. My mum answered almost immediately with a cheery smile. "Hey Mum," I said.

"Hi Mrs. Howell!" Phil called.

"Hey boys! How are you?" She asked.

"We're good! Hey Mum, we were wondering if you wanted to come out here for dinner Friday night. We are inviting Phil's parents too."

"Sure! I think we can. Is something the matter, Dan?" She asked, beginning to look suspicious.

I gulped loudly, and Phil finished for me. "Nothing's the matter, Mrs. Howell, we just want to get our families out here for dinner, and we haven't done that in ages." Phil smiled cheekily into the camera.

"Alright, well we would love to. See you boys Friday night!"

We waved goodbye, and hit END CALL.

"I am so nervous, Phil," I whimpered, still staring at the computer screen.

PHIL'S POV

Dan had just told me he was nervous. I could see it in his face too. He was straight up terrified. I wanted to comfort him, and make him feel okay, but this is all still so new to me. The instinct to tell him of my feelings for him came quick and sudden, but I still don't know what I should and shouldn't say or do. I reached out my arms in an anticipating hug, and he fell into them almost instantly.

"It's okay," I cooed into his ear. "I am nervous too."

We sat like that for quite some time, and then decided to make the call to my family.

"Hi Mum!" I said once she picked up the call.

"Hello Phil! Hi Dan! How are you two?"

"We're alright. Mum, we were wondering if you and dad wanted to come here for dinner on Friday. We invited Dan's parents too." I gave Dan's hand a little squeeze off camera.

"Oh sure! I would be happy to, and I'm sure your dad feels the same."

We chatted for a couple minutes longer, and then said our goodbyes. I closed the computer, and tossed it aside with a huff.

"I guess we have an important dinner to plan, hm Daniel?" I chuckled as I lay my head back against the wall.

"I was thinking some nice wine. Maybe we can drop the news on them once they have had a couple glasses. They might take it better then." Dan giggled as he said it.

I laughed too. "Dan, you know if they love us they will be fine with us, right?"

He made an over-dramatic sigh, and fell down across my lap. "Yeah, I suppose."

His goofy act of affection made me smile, and poked his nose with my finger when he stared at me. What was I going to do with this long haired toddler?

He stretched his arm up to the back of my neck, and pulled me down to him swiftly. He kissed me passionately, and then closed his eyes. Dan opened them a minute later and just whispered, "I love kissing you."

"I love kissing you too," I said as I looked at him with a devilish grin. "But now we have to go shopping. We have to buy and cook a nice recipe for something in two nights, and I am not sure even Delia Smith can save us."

"Philip Michael Lester! You underestimate the power of Delia Smith!" He yelled in mock offense.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Well Dan was right, it was Friday afternoon, and our Delia Smith inspired chicken dinner was nearly done. Our parents would be arriving any moment, and Dan and I were both frantically pacing the floor. I had lost my confidence for the night, and so had he.

Online people were reacting supportively and happily, and we didn't know if the news had made it to our families yet.

_Buzz Buzz_

Our heads snapped to the buzzing intercom. We approached it together.

"Hello," we said simultaneously.

It was time. Our families had arrived at the same time. We buzzed them up and waited for the knock at the door.

We were practically shaking all the way to the door, but slapped on relaxed faces as we opened it. Our mums and dads came in, smiling, hugging, and complimenting us on the neatness of our living room.

"Oi, you two had us scared for a moment. We thought you were in trouble," My mum chirped.

XXXXXXXXXX

Well, we ate dinner, and the whole evening seemed to rush by until we were all just casually sitting in the living room. Dan and I had specifically chosen to sit next to one another, as we were just waiting for the right time. Finally it seemed to come, as the talking stopped, our time seemed to come.

"Dad, Mum, Mr. and Mrs. Lester, Phil and I kind of have something to tell you," Dan said, inhaling sharply.

Skeptical parent looks came from all of them. It was that look that your parents give when they know you are about to drop something big on them. They were right.

"Well, you see Phil and me…. We are together now." He grasped my hand firmly in his, and I raised out arms.

Shocked looks replaced the skeptical ones.

"You're…Together? Like a couple?" My dad asked, looking dumbfounded.

"Yeah."

"Sorry," Dan's dad started. "It's just, I didn't know either of you were gay…"

"Neither did we," I chimed in. "It came completely as a surprise, but I know how much Dan means to me, and… I know that I love him." I was shocked to hear myself say the words so soon.

"I love him too," Dan whispered, grinning.

They seemed to take it okay. Our dads were slightly less sure than our moms, but when they left they still hugged us and told us they were happy for us. The four of them had scuttled out the door, waving and smiling. Phil and I finally shut the door and put our backs to it.

We looked at each other, grinning like two kids on Christmas morning. Dan's brown hair was perfectly framing his sparkling eyes. I felt like they could make me melt.

"Do you actually love me?" I asked.

"Phil, of course I love you," he whispered. "And you?"

"Never loved anyone more."

I was practically assaulted, pushed up against the door and kissed so passionately. I felt as though he were in a hurry to show me how he felt about me. I smiled against him, kissing him back just as passionately. There was no fight for dominance in the kiss, just two people wanting to express their newfound love.

One of his hands flew to my hair, and the other massaged my neck. My arms instinctively snaked around his waist, and clasped together.

We finally pulled apart after a long time of just kissing each other, and rested our foreheads against each other, just looking into each other's eyes.

Everything felt perfect.

_Too perfect?_

_Okay, there has been a lot of perfect fluff, but can everything stay so perfect? Not really sure how I felt about this one… Please let me know what you think of this story by reviewing! Hopefully I will continue this soon! Okay Bye! __ ~Lexi~_


	4. Is This The Life?

Is This The Life?

**DAN'S POV**

It was the next morning, and Phil and I both seemed to stumble out of our rooms at the same time. His hair was messy, and his fringe half covered his eyes. I imagined I probably looked the same.

"Hey Dan," he yawned.

"Morning Phil," I said rather tiredly.

We walked down the hall and into the kitchen. Phil prepared two teas and I looked for breakfast. It was the same thing we have been doing almost every morning for nearly a year now.

I made us some pancakes, which we both devoured in a fit of hunger, and then we proceeded to go get dressed for the day. It was when I came out of my room and into the lounge that I was very surprised.

Phil immediately hopped up from the couch upon my entry to the lounge. He smiled and walked towards me.

"What's up?" I asked him, suspicion and worry creeping into my voice.

"Dan," He grabbed my hand. My heart pounded quickly and I began to blush. "Would you like to go with me on our first proper date tonight?" He smiled a toothy smile, and his tongue barely poked out one of the corners.

I also smiled, and nodded. "I would be honored, sir."

XXXXXXXXXX

It was about 6:30, and we were both dressed up nicely. I had on a black button-down, black trousers, and a white tie. Phil's outfit was half inverted of mine, with a white shirt, black tie, and black trousers.

We smiled and made our way to the door. We were going to a nice restaurant, and decided to call a cab, rather than go with public transit. There is something exciting about an official first date. It is like even though you might have known a person for a while, you are meeting them all over again.

"Here we are," Phil said as the cab pulled up to the curb beside the restaurant. He handed the driver his pay, and stepped out. Like a gentleman, he outstretched his arm as if to help me out of the seat. I took it, and slid out.

We walked into the gigantic building, from which dozens of hosts and hostesses seemed to pour from, inviting us in, guiding us to our table, and pouring our wine. Everything was so fancy, and I wondered how Phil had managed to do any of it.

"Phil, this is all so elegant, but how are we affording this?" I asked, still smiling into my wine glass.

"_**I**_ have my ways," he said in a lone tone. "So Dan, what are you going to get?"

The waiter came by moments later, asking us the same question. We both ended up asking for the steak, which sounded absolutely amazing. The waiter left, leaving us alone at the satin-clothed table.

I looked at my hands, not quite sure of what I wanted to say about this. I probably would have stayed like that for a while, but Phil's voice broke through the silence.

"You look really nice tonight, Dan," he whispered. I blushed and looked up at him. When our eyes met, something weird happened. My stomach had this weird feeling, and it startled me. I was getting butterflies from being with him. No one had given me butterflies just by looking at them in a long time.

"You do too," I said, trying to push past the feeling.

"Dan? Are you alright? You look a little flushed," he asked me quickly, leaning over the table a bit.

"Yeah, I'm fine, I'm just…." I trailed off. "I just want this to be perfect, so I don't want to say anything stupid," I said.

He began to giggle a bit. "Dan," His tongue poked through his teeth. "Nothing you could say could make tonight not perfect. Well, unless it is like 'I hate you' or something."

I smiled. He was right. The evening was the most amazing night ever. I was sitting across the table from the one person I loved, in this amazing restaurant. Life couldn't have been any better.

We were going to head back to our flat to rent a film. It would be the perfect end to this wonderful night with my boyfriend. I felt like I couldn't stop grinning. What had caused me to suddenly fall so madly in love.

The cab pulled up outside the restaurant, and we hopped in. It had begun to rain, and the seats squeaked as we slid into them.

"The storm's getting pretty bad, sounds like it really is a good night to stay in with a film," Phil remarked, nudging my arm with his.

"Yeah, what were you thinking about getting?"

Phil was about to answer, but we were cut off by the loud yelling of the cab driver. Peering over the seat to see what the commotion was gave us only one second to see the car going down the wrong lane. The next thing we heard was the shredding metal and crashing into the car.

I guess we aren't going to be watching a film tonight.

_**BLACK.**_

Sorry this one was kind of short; I wanted to get it up ASAP. Please review. I love reviews. Cheering for Dan and Phil's first date? Bye for now! ~Lexi~


	5. Out

Out.

Phil's POV

The beeps, and buzzes, and other obnoxious tones seemed to drone on for hours. The darkness has gone from a blinding light to what is now so dark that it is almost painful. Pain is my only sensation; an endless pain that I cannot find a source or location of.

There is something else there though. It is hard to grasp, but I find it. It is my hand in someone else's. It is warm. It is loving. It is happy. I like it. I fight for it in my mind. The other's hand moves up my forearm slightly. One of the consistently beeping noises sped up. It must be a heart monitor.

I hear a tiny laugh and attempt to open my eyes. All I see is bright white for a while. The hand tightens its grip. My eyes adjust, and all I see is a pair of brown eyes. The eyes are warm, just like the hand. They are looking at me inquisitively. The face backs up and I see a beautiful boy still staring at me. His face feels familiar, but I can't place it.

"Phil?" He calls.

I blink at him a few times. "Me?"

He smiled. "Well you are the only Phil here, aren't you?"

"I…I guess."

"How are you feeling?" He asked me.

"I'm a little sore. I'm sorry… Who are you?"

His face turned to a stoic expression. I saw tears begin to well up in his eyes. I instantly felt terrible for making him sad, but I really did not know who he was. He seemed to shake it off with a bit of laugh. "What do you mean?"

"I'm really sorry…"

"Phil. It's me, Dan." He looked a little perturbed. "You don't remember me?"

"I… I don't remember anything," I stuttered.

Dan looked sadly at me and told me to wait. He got up from his seat and got a doctor.

XXXXX

Dan's POV

I just don't understand. Is it some kind of stress thing? Is it a joke? Did he hit his head harder than we thought?

The doctor came out and told me what was happening. He said that Phil had temporary amnesia. Apparently his complete memory was gone for an undecided amount of time.

I had to hold back the urge to cry. We had been together for such a short time, and now he couldn't remember anything. I needed to not be selfish though, the doctor said he was sure his memory would eventually come back.

"Hey," I said as I walked back into the room.

"Hey," he said. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry. You have nothing to be sorry about." I gave him a smile. "The doctor said you will eventually remember things again. Plus I am going to help you."

"You're going to help me?"

"Of course. What do you want to know first?"

"Well, I guess how do I know you?" He bit his lip.

I gulped and nodded. "We have been like best friends for over five years. And, well, for about a week and a few days, you have been my boyfriend." I bit my lip awaiting his reaction.

"Oh…" he looked down at his hands.

"We were on our way home; you see we decided to be flat mates a few years ago before we got together, after the best date ever. There was a car in the wrong lane. It hit us. I managed to get away unscathed, but you were unconscious."

XXXXX

A few hours later, we were eating in Phil's hospital room. The doctors wanted to keep him for a few nights in order to make sure nothing would go wrong. I was fine with it, just as long as I could stay. I was absolutely no going to leave him in the hospital alone.

Phil was still quite shy around me, which I understood. As long as he was near me I was fine, even if that meant waiting a long time before I could kiss him again.

I had told Phil about our YouTube channels. He would probably watch some videos later. It was strange. I could have sworn some fan had sent us a story they wrote that was so similar to this. A car crash and amnesia. I think I had been the one who had lost their memory in that one, though.

"You should go home," Phil said, peering at me over a glass of water.

"No, I don't want to leave," I said.

"Dan, you don't have to stay here all night for me."

"I know I don't. I want to, so I am," I grinned. "You get some sleep though. I am going to go ask the nurses for an extra pillow. Promise me you'll try to sleep?"

"Sure, thanks, sorry," he said.

"Stop apologizing," I giggled.

I left the room and walked down the hall a bit. I came to a wall, which I slid down onto the floor. I began to cry.

"Mr. Howell?" I nurse asked, crouching down next to me. "Is everything alright?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. I am just stressed out," I mumbled.

"Well I can understand that."

I didn't want to start causing a scene. "It's okay, I'm probably just tired. Do you have an extra pillow?"

"Sure, of course." She grabbed one from a nurses' station. "If there's anything else you need, let me know."

I nodded and headed back to the room where Phil lie, completely asleep.

XXXXX

Three days of being in that hospital were finally over. Phil was no less shy around me, but we needed to go home. I had the doctor's number to call in case anything got bad, but hopefully nothing would.

"Are you ready to go home?" I asked Phil, who was packing away his laptop that I had brought after stopping home for five minutes. He had watched a lot of our videos, but nothing had really clicked his memory back yet.

He sort of nodded. "I guess I'm just a little nervous," he stated.

"I can understand that," I said. I picked up my bag and slung it over my shoulder. "It will be nice to be somewhere other than a hospital though, won't it?"

I started to reach for his bag at the same time he did. Our fingers grazed slightly, and he jerked away nervously. The action bothered me, but I knew I couldn't miss a beat. I threw it over my other shoulder and nodded toward the door. "Let's go."

We walked out to the cab, which made me nervous, but I didn't show it. We slid in and began our ride back to our flat. Phil nervously played with his fingers.

About seven minutes later, we pulled up outside. I couldn't wait to get back to our flat. I felt in desperate need of a long sleep in my own bed.

We walked, side by side up to our flat.

"Ready?" I asked a still shaken Phil. He nodded, and I opened the door.

I flipped on the lights, and everything lit up. I smiled contently at our home.

"This is where we live?" He asked.

"Yep," I said walking in and setting our stuff down on a table.

"It's awesome. I love it. Hey I saw this in a video!" He walked around exclaiming.

I leaned up against the couch and watched him with a grin. I wish he could remember, but right now he looked so adorable. He was amazed at the things we had received from fans, and was awestruck by the randomness of some of the things that we had bought to decorate our flat.

I eventually showed him to his room, which he smiled at. He jumped onto his big bed, commenting about how much he had loved the duvet in his videos.

We both went to sleep in our separate rooms.

XXXXX

Two weeks passed, and slowly Phil had finally warmed up to me. It was like starting over as friends, but at least now he would sit by me. He had a few memories pop into his head about the most random things, like the two of us making enchiladas or something.

He was still awkward at times around me, but I understood. I just wanted him happy. I also wanted him to remember.

Hey, I know I turned it into what a lot of fics are like, but I hope you are enjoying! Please review it up because I love reviews! Bye for now! ~Lexi~


	6. Memory

Memory

(Casually sings **TOUCH MEEE IT'S SO EASY TO LEAVE MEE! Sorry… I'm a nerd.)**

Another week had gone by. I was sitting next to Phil on the couch, scrolling through Tumblr, as usual. It was a little after dinnertime and in the background, Top Chef was playing, and someone was yelling about a 'failed _frisée'. _

_I caught him several times staring at me, but he always glanced away as I looked toward him. He was being abnormally quiet, even for post-accident Phil. _

_ "Phil," I said, looking right at him. _

_ He pretended as though I was tearing him away from whatever it was he was looking at on his phone. "Uh, yeah?"_

_ "Have you been staring at me?" I asked. His shook his head and went back to his phone._

_ "Phil," I said again._

_ "Yes?"_

_ "I could have sworn I saw you staring at me a lot a couple minutes ago."_

_ "Nope," he said, casually tossing it aside._

_ I set my laptop aside and scooted closer to him. I dramatically propped my head up on two hands, staring at him intensely so as to make it uncomfortable._

_ "What are you doing?" He asked, glancing at me strangely._

_ "Uncomfortable, isn't it Phil?" I grinned. He fidgeted awkwardly. _

_ I backed up, seeing his discomfort, and returned to my laptop with a sigh._

_ "Dan, where did we get those pictures?" Phil asked in regards to some amazing fan art of us that was hanging on our wall in frames._

_ "Two years ago, at a vidcon, a girl came up to us with those. She apologized, saying she wished she could have had longer, which neither of us could understand, I mean they are amazing! The look like black and white photographs! Well, anyway, we loved them so much, so we framed them. That was one of the best Vidcons ever…." I trailed off sadly. I knew it wasn't Phil's fault that he couldn't remember, but I was still sad that he couldn't._

"They're amazing!" Phil mused, before returning to his phone.

We really haven't done anything since the accident. I haven't really wanted to push Phil into doing anything, but we also shouldn't just be sitting here all the time. It's not good for us to be stuck in our flat for so long. I decided to change it. Setting down my laptop once again, I stood up.

"Phil, we're going to go somewhere tonight!" I told him.

"What? Like where?" he asked confused.

"I don't know, a bar, a store, even just for a walk, just somewhere that is not our flat," I said, looking for my shoes.

"Dan, I don't really…"

"No. We have spent too long here. We need some time away. Alright?" I tossed him his coat, and put on myself the leather one that he liked.

"Fine, I guess it would be nice to get some time out."

We left the building ten minutes later, and began walking to a pub that was a few blocks away. It was a Friday night, and the noise coming out of the place served as evidence. It was obviously a group of quite loud people.

Phil, who had not been social very much lately, apart from our close friend, looked like a nervous kid on their first day of school. I gave him a smile, which he attempted to return weakly.

We walked in, and made our way to an empty table. We sat down and looked at the crowd around us. The place was more packed than I had ever seen it.

"I'll go get us some drinks," I said to him over the noise. "What do you want?"

"Uh, what do I like?" He asked awkwardly.

I smiled, covering my being upset with myself for forgetting. "I'll get you something." I walked up to the bar, keeping an eye on Phil, who was laughing as someone was singing karaoke quite drunkenly.

I returned to the table with a couple beers, which quickly got replenished, as did the ones after those. Needless to say, we too ended up joining the group of loud and not-fully-aware-of-what-they-are-doing people.

Soon, the small karaoke stage was clear, and Phil and I found ourselves tumbling through the crowd and onto it. We laughed as we stumble forward, and looked at the list of songs. Even Phil, despite his amnesia, knew what song we were going to sing because of videos, and we both broke out into huge grins upon seeing it.

We both stepped forward, and, through our drunkenness, broke out into song.

_Baby can't you see_

_ I'm calling_

_ A guy like you_

_ Should wear a warning_

_ It's dangerous_

_ I'm falling…_

We finished the song, and ran off the stage as people applauded. We were laughing so hard. Phil suggested we pay the bill and go outside for a bit. I agreed, and we did.

Upon exiting the building, Phil pushed me up against a street light pole. He smiled at me and brought his face only inches from mine. He looked me straight in the eyes and leaned his forehead against mine.

He didn't move, but we could feel each other's breath on our lips. I was practically shaking, but not from fear, from anticipation. I kept looking at his lips; those gorgeous smooth lips that I have waited so long to kiss.

"Phil…" I began.

"Shh," He stopped me.

He laid a hand on my cheek, and pushed the hair out of my eyes. He smiled again, and leaned forward, bringing his lips to my cheek. He let them hover in a kiss on my cheek for a few seconds. I closed my eyes. He pulled away.

Phil took my forearm and pulled me away from the pole in the direction of our flat. We slowly made our way home.

I smiled to myself. Maybe we were getting somewhere, maybe not. Either way, I was still just happy to have him with me. Things could always be worse.

Ooh so close, haha. I hope you are all enjoying this story so far, and please keep reviewing bye for now! ~Lexi~


	7. Confusion

The Impossible Possibility of an Impossible Probability

(Or just entitle it confusion.)

I woke up the following morning with a pounding headache and incredible nausea. I was passed out on the couch, still in everything I had worn home, including my shoes and jacket. The light practically blinded me. I felt something pushing at my leg, and brought myself up enough to see Phil in the same state on the opposite end of the couch.

I groaned and attempted to stand up. I felt the world visibly darken around me. Phil moaned loudly before doing the same as me. We tried to help each other balance, but that only resulted in both of us falling back onto the couch.

We hadn't even had **that** much to drink, but this morning was hitting us hard. Neither of us even talked. I managed to make a few cups of coffee, and within a few hours we were feeling better.

"Dan," Phil said, breaking the silence.

"Yes?"

"That jacket you are wearing. I like it."

"I know you do," I said with a grin.

"What?"

"You always told me you like this one," I informed him. Honestly, that was why I had worn it in the first place. I wanted as much as possible to try and pull any memory from his mind.

"Dan," he said, tossing a pencil in the air.

"Yeah?"

"What was the video where we got together?"

"You want to see it?" I asked, trying to act cool despite my shock.

"Sure."

"Okay," I said, opening up YouNow on my laptop and going to my broadcasts. I clicked the one that I was looking for and handed it over to Phil, who watched it, quite intrigued. I listened, and knew exactly what was happening and when.

He was fairly silent throughout it, but he giggled at the awkwardness in our voices at the end.

"Yep," he said handing me my laptop.

"Yep what?" I asked quite confused.

"Yep I can remember that a little."

I gasped slightly. "You… you can remember that? Phil… That's… that's great!"

He smiled at me. "Yeah, it's a little hazy, but I had a dream like that last night. That's why I wanted to see it. I wanted to know if it was real or just a dream. It felt pretty real to me." He laughed a little.

I smiled. Not only had he just remembered something pre-accident, but he had also just said he was dreaming about US. That made me smile.

"That's amazing! See, you're slowly remembering things!" I was smiling like an idiot. I couldn't contain myself and flung my arms around him in a hug. He laughed when I did this, but also hugged me back.

"I wish I could remember more," he said.

"Shh, it'll come slowly."

Neither of us had made a video in some time. In fact, our last videos were our coming out as a couple videos. People knew partially what was going on, as I had kept twitter updated for a while, but really only our close friends and family were totally in the loop. I knew videos would need to be made soon.

We decided to go out again tonight, but just for dinner this time. There was a small restaurant close that we liked.

"You know I had a lot of fun last night," Phil said between bites of a sandwich. He has been a little more talkative today than usual, but I am guessing he is just happy that he remembered something.

"So did I, it was nice to get out and actually do something. I was hoping you wouldn't be upset that I was trying to make you do something," I admitted.

"Well, I know you were just trying to get me out of the house, and like I said, I had a lot of fun. I think I had a few more flashbacks while we were singing, not that I can remember everything about that either. Was I singing Toxic in a studio at one point?" He looked at me inquisitively with a bit of a laugh.

"Yes you were," I full out laughed at the memory. "It was at one of our radio shows, and you were trying to sing it."

XXXXX

It was the next afternoon, and I hadn't seen Phil all day. I was curious, but figured he was just extra tired, or was busy doing something. Still, I was a little worried about him, and decided to check in on him.

I cracked his door open and peered in. I was not expecting to see what I saw. There Phil was, curled up on his bed, crying his eyes out. I threw the door open and ran to his side, trying to get him to look at me.

"Dan," he whispered, a smile beginning to appear on his face.

"Phil, I'm right here, what's wrong?" I cooed into his ear, wrapping my arms around him.

"Dan, what have I been doing this whole time?" He exclaimed so loudly that no punctuation mark other than an interrobang could describe it. "It's you. It's you. You were the hand when I was unconscious; the warm comforting hand that made my heart race, even when I didn't know its owner. You were the beautiful and warm eyes that I first saw when I opened my own. You were the gorgeous face that greeted me, even when I was oblivious to anything in my past. Dan you were the first person I knew when I was unaware of anything. You are the most important person in my life. You are all I know. What have I been thinking this whole time?" He was sobbing into my shoulder again. I was so confused by all of this. What did he mean?

"Phil, just calm down. Calm down." I was trying to soothe him, rubbing circles on his bare back, moving my fingers through his hair. "Why are you getting yourself so worked up? I'm not going to go anywhere, I'm right here."

The shaking of his sobbing shoulders slowed, and I felt his breathing slow. He must not have slept much the night before, because he just fell asleep in my arms. I laid him back down on his bed and wrapped his blankets around him. I wiped the remaining tears off his cheeks and kissed his forehead. I then sat down on the foot of his bed and stared at the floor.

What was he so upset about? He was acting as though I was going to leave him, but that was the furthest thing from my mind. I just sat there for a while, until I felt him wake up again.

He noticed me. "Sorry about that before." Those were the first words out of his mouth.

"It's okay, are you alright?"

He nodded. "Dan, it's just, I realized how much you mean to me, and I think I am in love with you again." I looked into his eyes, and he lurched forward at pulled me down on top of him. We were a mere two inches from each other. He looked at my lips. "Please," he said. I was shocked by what had just occurred. He seemed so desperate for me now, but what was it that had suddenly changed him?

"Are you sure?" I asked. I didn't want to push him into anything he wasn't ready for yet. He was still quite vulnerable after not remembering anything about his or our past.

He nodded quickly, and placed a thumb against my bottom lip. I smiled and tilted my head to the side slightly, before he desperately crashed his lips against mine. He was smiling against my lips, as was I. It felt like something so lost. I had had him for such a short time, and he was taken from me. At first I had believed it to be a sign that it was not meant to be, but I refused to believe that. If we were not meant to be, why would God have put us together as a couple after so long of just being friends?

I leaned further onto him, and placed my hands in his hair, rubbing in circular motions which he seemed to lean into. His hands seemed to remember more than his mind did, as they found their way to the familiar spot on my hips. I wished to flood all of my memories of us through me into him. I wanted him to remember all the good things, and how all I want is to be with him right now and forever.

I wished the long missed moment could have stayed for a longer time, but we parted and I lay my head on his bare chest. He was breathing hard, and I could practically feel his frantic heart through his flesh. I closed my eyes, attempting to relish the moment for as long as possible.

"Door," Phil said.

"What?" I asked.

"A door," he said again. "You kissed me against a door. Our door. I remember."

I smiled even though he couldn't see it. Every time he talked about a memory I couldn't help but smile. Every memory was one step closer to being back to normal.

"Yes, that was-" he cut me off.

"No wait I remember more. Some people just left… Our families! Our families just left and we told them something. Did we just tell them about us? Yeah that's it! I remember! Dan, I remember! We ate chicken," He said excitedly.

I flipped over onto my stomach beside him, and slid up so my face was right beside his. His eyes were so full of happiness, and excitement, and curiosity, and childishness, and it made him look even more beautiful. "You remember," I whispered happily. "I'm so glad you remember." I brushed the hair out of his eyes with a smile.

They kissed again! But wait… What does this mean? Does it mean anything? Let me know your guesses for what will happen, as well as what you are thinking of this story so far! Bye for now ~Lexi~ 3


	8. Wish

Wish

_My only wish and it was taken. Your happiness can't be mistaken. I'll miss your smile against mine. But if you're happy I guess I am fine._

Phil's POV

A strange thick mess of emotions had clouded over me. I had such a rush of unexplained need and want and love, and all that led to me kissing Dan. How strange it felt; how familiar for something I can't remember all of. At first I was happy, but then I was mad. I became overwhelmingly mad at myself for putting Dan through all of this. I was also angry with myself for not remembering my family, friends, childhood, and everything else. It made me even sadder.

I had begun to yell at myself. What had I thought this would achieve? Dan had gone into the kitchen to get us something to eat moments before, but when he returned, I was once more a despicable and pathetic ball of emotions.

"I'll call your doctor," Dan said whilst he tried to soothe me once again.

"No. Dan no," I begged. What would the doctor do except tell me I would get better and maybe put me on some hallucination-prevention-and-calmer-with-a-thousand-side-effects-medicine.

"Phil, Phil something is wrong. You never have been like this." I heard the worry splintering through his voice. There was something wrong. Me. How couldn't he see that it was me who was wrong?

"Don't you get it?" I asked him. "I have hurt you in so many ways. Dan, you have done nothing but care for me ever since the accident, and all I've done is hurt you. I can't remember the day we met. I can't remember our first date. I can't even remember my own birthday! It's like I'm a little kid. You are just feeling obligated to stay with me because I am vulnerable." I mentally slapped myself for feeling so bad for myself.

**Dan's POV**

I didn't know what to say. How could he think I felt like that? Didn't he know how in love with him I was? He was sat at the foot of his bed in front of me with his legs dangling over the edge. His face was sad and regretful.

I didn't say anything. I walked forward until I was right in front of him. I straddled his knees with my own, and knelt on the bed. I held his beautiful face in my hands and kissed him before he could even comprehend what was happening. I pulled back for just a moment and whispered right in his ear. "I can't believe you can't see how crazy I am for you. Phil, whether you like it or not, I am going to love you. I can deal with you not loving me too, despite the burning pain it could cause to me, but I cannot deal with you thinking I don't. I cannot fathom the idea of a day when we will have to be parted." All the emotions I had felt for so long and had forced myself to keep bottled up inside escaped me in a single shimmering tear down my cheek. I closed my eyes, still in the position where I held him. His silence scared me, but I found a peace in it.

There had been a day that we both had laughed and been slightly disturbed by the thought of us as a couple. One night changed that. Now I find myself a mess because I love him so much.

You know when you were little and you had a favorite toy? That toy was your world; your everything. You couldn't go anywhere without it. You loved it more than anything in the world at times, and the thought of losing it made you want to vomit. Phil is like this to me. He is more important to me than anything else in the entire world. The thought of losing him made me feel sick and actually caused me physical pain. Needless to say, I had fallen harder for him than I had fallen the night of that YouNow show.

His warm and gentle embrace slowly formed around me. I still did not open my eyes. I felt his head move along-side my own. I still did not open my eyes. I felt his lips touch my ear, and his breath blow softly against the lobe. I still did not open my eyes.

"Don't cry," I almost opened my eyes.

"I-" I couldn't finish my sentence.

He softly and briskly pulled me down so we were both lying on the bed. Our arms were around each other and we both remained completely silent. Both of us were so distraught for different reasons. We just held each other, finding comfort only in the arms of each other. For once, it was just nice and relaxed. When we finally talked, we talked not about that, but rather about things we might do in the future, and even about beginning to make videos again. That intrigued him, and caused him to become slightly excited at the thought of making videos like he had seen before.

I wouldn't expect him too quite yet, but I knew I needed to tell people some things. We owed it to them.

"Hey internet," I said blankly. "So there has been a lot of weird stuff happening. You guys have not heard from Phil or me for a long time. Basically we were going out one night, and on our way home, a car came and slammed into our cab. I managed to get away fairly undamaged, but Phil—Phil didn't." I paused for a while. Phil was sitting on the other side of the room, hands folded in his lap, eyes focused of the back of the camera. "You see, he was unconscious for quite some time, and when he finally woke up… He had amnesia. He couldn't remember anything." I bit back the creak that began to form in my voice. "Um… yeah, his memory is still not really back. He remembers the occasional things, but um, he has seen a lot videos and that's kind of his memory right now." I breathed and looked up at the big blue eyes across the room. "Want to say hey, Phil?"

He kind of awkwardly slid off his chair and into a standing position. He nervously stepped forward and sat down next to me. His bright eyes looked up into the camera lens. "Hi everyone," he said shakily.

I placed a hand on his knee and smiled. "We're going to make it through this. We just needed to let you guys know, and hopefully we'll be making videos more regularly again, right Phil?"

"Y...Yeah, so um thank you guys for all the support you've been sending, and… Sorry about this… Bye!" He finished with a weak smile, and I turned off the camera.

"You need to stop apologizing," I laughed, and brushed the hair out of his eyes.

"My birthday is January 30th, isn't it?" He asked randomly.

"Yeah, it is," I smiled.

"Yours is June 11th." I nodded. "Well good. Let's go out tonight and get some Chinese, yeah?"

"Sure," I said.

"Oh, and Dan, wear the jacket of yours I like, okay?" He smiled at me, the tip of his tongue forcing its way between two white teeth.

"Okay." I responded before standing up with a grin.

Chapter that I am not certain whether I like or not… Tell me how it compares to the others, and if you liked it. Hopefully I will update again soon, love you all! Byee! ~Lexi~


	9. Can I Keep My Secret?

Can I Keep My Secret?

_I have always been good at keeping secrets for people… But I don't know about my own._

**Dan's POV**

The air was growing frigid as we walked down the streets. Side by side we progressed. My fingers grazed Phil's slightly, but I didn't dare act like I noticed. We'd kissed once again, but I also didn't dare read anything into it. It was proof that we loved each other, and that was what I needed.

Having agreed on Chinese, the two of us proceeded toward the nearest restaurant that served it. We were hungry, and knew exactly what to order once we arrived. We ate, and talked, and tweeted, and we were completely satisfied with our night out.

"Your friends are closer than you think," I read out from my fortune cookie, laughing at the slight creepiness in the tone.

"Something you lost will be found again," Phil said. How strange and ironic. The cookies are simply mass-produced slips of paper with preprinted fortunes, yet somehow this one so eerily reminded us of the situation Phil was in. It caused us to be silent for a minute, as goose bumps formed on our arms and shoulders, we both suddenly broke into silent laughter.

We left the building, and the iciness of the rapidly cooling air seemed to curl around our bodies and our faces like actual fingers and hands. It was shocking, but almost as if on cue, we simultaneously popped up our coat collars so as to serve as a barrier between the wind and our faces and necks. Phil's glasses began to fog up, so he pulled them off and wiped them clear. His face was determined and purposeful as he did so, and the edge of his tongue rested ever so lightly on his bottom set of teeth as he concentrated.

We went for a short detour, thoroughly enjoying the time we were spending together on our evening. We passed a giant water fixture, which Phil begged me to give him a pound coin to toss in. Apparently it's told to grant a wish.

"I'm wishing for everything to go back to how you remember," Phil whispered, leaning an elbow on my shoulder.

"That's a good wish, if you want it," I commented. I think we both knew the coin being tossed into the water would not do anything, but if he wanted to try it, he could.

"Yeah," he said with a smile before closing his eyes for a second and tossing the coin far to the other side of the base.

We made an occasional stop to a shop or a bakery here and there before beginning our trek home. We had decided to walk all night to get some exercise; a thing we rarely do.

"You know," I said with a bit of a chuckle. "This is kind of nice. I get to be with you, make you happy, be happy, and you don't remember anything bad. You don't remember anything stupid I've done. You don't remember the accident, and honestly, I hope you never do. I hope you never have to witness that memory."

"Well I guess there is an upside to everything, isn't there," Phil responded with a tiny smile. He bumped my arm with his elbow lightly.

Everything was going very nicely, until there was an uneven patch in the pavement. Phil, who was looking off at someone who was holding a baby, found himself being thrown off track. He fell backwards onto the ground, hitting his head on the way down.

**Phil's POV**

It's too late to stop myself as I fall to the ground with a thud. I see black for only a second, and when it clears, Dan is starting to kneel down beside me. I see the same worried, chocolaty brown eyes that looked at me when I woke up in the hospital. I want to admire these eyes for so long, but I am incredibly distracted as pictures, flashback, and memories begin to flow through me. I can remember it all. I can think of our kisses, I can think of our first date, and I can even remember the horrible accident. With the good must come the bad, I suppose.

Dan had just told me, as we were walking, that he was beginning to enjoy this. He didn't really want me to remember everything. He liked the idea of a fresh and clean slate. I intended to let him have that. I was going to act as though nothing had happened, for Dan's sake. I could keep other people's secrets. I could definitely keep my own.

"Phil? Phil, are you alright?" Dan asked, nervously stroking my cheek.

I blinked for a second. "Yeah, I'm fine. I… yeah I'm good." I stuttered after deciding to keep this to myself for a while.

He helped me up and looked at me, still worried. I felt a twist in my stomach; an ache to admit the truth to him. I attempted to offer a small smile, but randomly a tear decided to stream its way down my cheek. I didn't quite understand it. Dan turned his head to the side slightly, opened his mouth for a second and then closed it again. He grabbed me and pulled me into a hug without saying anything. His arms curled around my waist, and my arms wrapped around his neck.

We stood like that for a while; embraced in the middle of the city. The two of us disregarded the strange looks we got from passersby. We separated, and, though the occasional tear made way down my face, I felt much better.

I grabbed Dan's hand, and it took him by surprise. He smiled though, as did I. It was time for us to go home. He was so happy looking. I was going to keep him like that. I'm not going to let him stress over my being normal again. We walked home, closely side by side.

I had another secret. I was dying to kiss him.

XXXXX

We arrived back at our flat, and Dan tossed his keys onto a table. He turned around, probably to say something to me, but I was right there. I grabbed him by collar of his jacket and pulled him down to me. I enclosed my lips around his, and kissed him. Once again, he was caught off guard, but in no time he was kissing me back; his grasp also on my jacket collar.

He was slow at first, as though seeing how far I wanted to go, but soon he grew more and more desperate. His kiss became strong and he was soon pushing himself on me hungrily. I smiled. He moved around a bit with the kiss. Dan began to pull me toward the couch. He pulled me apart from him for a second. Dan looked at me, and I reached for him once again, but he stopped me.

A smile crossed his face, and he pushed me down onto the couch. He knelt on top of me, and kissed me. I could remember it all, you see, everything that had ever happened, that was why it felt so good. I could also remember not being able to remember. I can recall the sadness and longing. Dan kissed my neck, and my lips. He then lay down next to me on the couch.

It was cramped with the two of us laying there, side by side on a seat that was built for one. I rested my head against his. I was happy.

"Oh Phil," Dan whispered. "I do wish you could remember the humorously awkwardness of the moment when we fell in love." He poked my nose cutely.

I bit my lip and closed my eyes for a moment with utter guilt. I didn't know whether I had decided to do the right thing or not.

Another chapter complete and I don't know how I feel about this one either. Please let me know, because I love when you all review! Hopefully an update will float your way again soon! Haha bye for now. ~Lexi~


	10. Good Morning and Good Night

Good Morning and Good Night

_Such a wide expanse that seems so short. Why do we waste it? Why shouldn't we waste it? It's in the opinion of whoever's day it is. You can miss one. Can't you?_

Dan's POV

I felt a little poke in my side. I assumed it to be some muscle or something, but it happened again. And again. And again. And again. It tickled, and caused me to giggle a little bit. I flitted my eyes open, and found a face looming over me. Phil was practically on top of me as we lay on that small couch. We must have drifted off at some point, as there was light peeking through our shades, and we hadn't moved from our spot.

"Hey sleepy," he whispered.

I grinned, but instead of responding, turned and buried my face in the couch with a groan. Not getting up sounded pretty interesting right now. "Hi," I finally mumbled quietly through the cushion.

"Dan," Phil called, elongating the A for a few seconds. "Daniel," he called again. He leaned over me and kissed my neck, which made me squirm and flip over back onto my back.

"Phillllll!" I squeaked. "Don't touch my neck!" He began to cackle, but upon seeing me trying to be serious, he bit his lip. That only resulted in more laughing.

"C'mon Dan, it's time to get up," he said pushing himself up a bit. He stood up and stretched, before holding his hand out to me to take. This reminded me of the night we realized we were in love. Waking up on the couch by each other, having kissed and fallen asleep the night before.

"Well," Phil started. "What do you want for breakfast, sir?" He asked with a wink.

My breath hitched in my throat.

Phil's POV

_Crap._

Dan's POV

I shook it off with a laugh. "Um, I don't think we have anything but cereal, sir." I figured I would relish the memory in my mind. Let's see if he says the same thing again.

"Cereal it is then!"

Phil's POV

_Why can't I keep my mouth shut?_

Dan's POV

Okay now I might cry. No, no, no, it's just a coincidence. We're good.

"Okay," I say, taking his hand and pulling myself up. We walked out of the room and down to the hallway. We ate breakfast and sat down at our laptops.

XXXXX

"So you know, Phil, today is Tuesday." I rubbed my eyes.

"Yeah?" He responded questioningly.

"Well, Tuesday used to be when I would do my regular live shows. I was wondering if maybe you wanted to try and do one with me today. I mean… I think we owe the viewers," I said with an awkward smile.

"Uhh, sure," Phil said. "I mean… if you're ready for that."

"Me? Phil, you're the amnesiac. It's up to you."

"Oh, oh yeah! I can do that! Let's do this!" He smiled. I smiled back, but I was confused by how excitedly he had said that.

"Alright, let's set up and tweet out."

In no time we were started, and the viewers started piling in, hurling excited text toward our retinas. We smiled and read a few questions aloud.

"What are you guys doing for Christmas?" It was in fact not that long until the cheery holiday, and Phil and I had not discussed plans. This being our first Christmas as a couple, we may have to make a few changes.

Phil's POV

"Uhh, I guess we haven't really discussed it yet. I want to spend my Christmas with Dan, though," I said with a grin.

"And I want to spend mine with Phil. We will have to talk with our families I guess," Dan finished.

"You know, there was one time that Phil and I spent the weekend before Christmas with Chris and Pj. We were staying in a hotel, and somehow we all managed to go into the wrong room after going to the pool. We left our door blocked open, and so had they. Turns out it was the floor beneath ours. We all crashed on the beds without looking, only to be woken up later by the screaming from a man and his wife at the door." Dan was laughing heavily, as was I.

"You should have seen the look on Pj's face as he jumped up and started apologizing. He was completely shocked, as we all were I guess. Needless to say, the next year when we did that again, we made sure to go to OUR room" I chortled. Then I realized. _Crap I am terrible at this!_ I already saw Dan's expression change in the camera. His eyebrows twitched and he turned to look at me. He smiled for a second, but then it faded. His face mimicked only one word. Confusion.

"Well, that's all the time we have for today guys! We'll see you all soon, Byeeee!" Dan said into the camera, ending the live show abruptly. I knew I was about to get called out.

"That was a rather quick ending. Do you always stop them like that?" I said it with a laugh.

Dan swiveled in his chair to face me. "Phil, you remembered all that."

"Yeah, it must've just come to me randomly," I lied.

"No," Dan stated. "There was some stuff you said earlier too…" He paused. "Phil, what is going on?"

I shrugged my shoulders and sat there for a bit, but I could feel him still staring at me. Even though my eyes found a resting place staring at the floor, his gaze was penetrating through my mind. "Okay. Okay, fine. Yes, I have my memory back. I have since yesterday. You were glad that I couldn't remember the accident! You were happy with me as blank slate! I wanted you to have what you wanted! You were happy and I wanted to keep it that way! So yes I can remember everything, but you don't want me to. I'll forget it if I have to. I don't need to remember!"

"Phil! Phil! How could you not tell me! How could you have gotten your memory back and hid it from me? Sure I was looking for up sides in the situation, but I wanted you to remember. I can't believe you don't want to remember all those beautiful memories we have together! I especially can't believe that you thought you were going to hide this from the forever!" Dan screamed. His face was angrier than anyone's I had ever seen. I had never seen him so furious. Why was he mad that I was trying to make him happy? He stood up and slammed the laptop shut harshly. He stormed out of the room, leaving me with a simple "I don't know why I wanted you to do this with me."

I felt tears pricking at my eyes because of the sheer tension of the moment. I shook them off. He would come to his senses soon, right? I felt myself shaking hysterically and stood up. I didn't make it to the door however and instead found myself curled up the corner of the room. I continued to shake and rocked back and forth. My anxiety gets worked up by tense situations. My breathing quickened, but I knew I would be okay.

Dan's POV

I ran to my room where I jumped into my bed and under the covers. I started shaking, anxious because of the anger and unsettledness in my head. I hid under the duvet hoping to drown away the anxieties of the world with the darkness.

_It will get better. It will all get better._

Phil's POV

_It will get better. It will all get better._

End of chapter. I just left both in separate rooms breaking down in panic attacks. Who are you more like? What will happen? Please review! 3 ~Lexi~


	11. There's a Reason For Everything

There's A Reason For Everything

_There is a reason for everything. Don't cry. Don't be sad. Don't regret it. Don't be mad._

**Dan's POV**

I cracked my eyes open. I hadn't slept at all, only shut my eyes. I checked the clock next to my bed. It read ten o'clock. I assumed by that it meant ten at night, but when I looked at my phone, I realized it was ten in the morning. Brilliant. I had not slept all night, and it was already the next morning.

Honestly, for most of the night my eyes were open and staring blankly into the dark. I shouldn't be surprised at how long it had been. There was one thing I knew for sure though; I couldn't spend the day around here.

I stood up, dizzy and not quite coherent, as I was still shaking mildly. I stumbled to the lights, turned them on, and began to pack up a backpack for the day. I just needed some money, maybe an extra shirt, and my phone. I was coming back; I just needed to be out for the day.

I slung the backpack over my shoulder, and trudged out of my room. I couldn't help but notice Phil balled up in the corner of the lounge as I walked by. He may have been awake, but I didn't bother to check. I walked into the kitchen, grabbed a bottle of water and a couple granola bars, and started to write a note.

_Going out. I'll be back later. –Dan_

It was short and could easily portray a hostile tone, but I was okay with that, honestly. I was upset. I was also heartbroken. `

I grabbed some headphones off the counter and walked out the door, closing it lightly before I left for who-knows-where. I figured I'd just head down town to the metro station. I could go anywhere.

"I'll go all the way to PJ's. I haven't seen him in a while," I stated to myself as I swiped my Oyster card.

XXXXX

I don't know exactly how much longer it had been, but eventually it was my stop. I hopped off and headed straight for PJ's.

"Dan!" PJ exclaimed as soon as he opened the door, quickly embracing me in a hug.

"Hey Peej!" I responded with a smile, appreciating the hug.

"I didn't know you were going to be coming here any time soon," he said, inviting me in.

"Neither did I," I laughed.

"Hey, I say your live show last night. That ended pretty strangely, what was that about?"

"Phil… Phil lied to me. He got his memory back the other night, and he was not going to tell me. He was spouting things about how he thought I would like it better with him not remembering anything. I needed to get out this morning, as I was just staring into the darkness from then until ten this morning. I'm pretty tired. I am just so heartbroken that he doesn't want to remember everything we have done together!" I was frantically spouting all this nonsense to him after we had barely sat down. It kind of felt good though.

"Okay, first, you need to calm down." He sat forward a little on his chair which was placed parallel to the couch I was on. "That really doesn't sound like Phil. Are you sure he is okay? Where was he when you left this morning?"

"Curled up in a ball on the floor of the lounge."

"And you just left him." PJ raised an eyebrow. "Riiiight, okay." He stopped for a second. "Hmm, well, you are going to stretch out here on this couch. Get some sleep. I'll warn you though, Chris came over last night. His place lost power and it's cold you know. So if you hear anything it might be him." I could tell he was thinking I was insane, but I wouldn't reject his offer of sleep.

He brought me a blanket and a couple pillows, and I fell asleep in no time.

**Phil's POV**

Dan left at some point this morning. He left a note saying he'd be back, but I am beginning to doubt it. I realize I was stupid, okay? I get that I did something that could completely wreck our relationship, but at the time I thought it was a good idea. I made a cup of tea at some point I guess. It is in my hands, but it is cold. I have been sitting on this couch, staring into space for who-knows-how-long. I didn't really sleep last night. I wish I could go find Dan, but my body is stiff and unmoving. I don't think that I could physically move, even if I really tried.

I'll wait it out. If Dan never comes back, I will never move.

**PJ's POV**

I shushed Chris as we walked past the living room and into the kitchen. "He's practically gone insane, let's let him sleep for a while," I said.

"Shouldn't we go call Phil?"

"No, I don't think so. Hopefully when Dan wakes up he will realize that he needs to go to him. I think everyone knows that they belong together. It might just take a while for them to fully get to be in a healthy relationship."

"You're probably right," Chris sighed, watching Dan over the counter.

Chris and I talked for a while. Mid conversation, Dan stirred, causing us both to look up at him. He woke up completely startled. Looking around for a minute, he hopped up into a sitting position, shaking his head to fix his hair.

**Dan's POV**

I can't lie, waking up on a couch made me instinctively look for Phil. Then I remembered that he didn't really care.

"Hey Dan," PJ said, entering the room. Chris waved too. "So how are you feeling? Any better?"

"A little less tired, I guess," I laughed. "What do you mean?"

"Well a few hours ago, you were perfectly fine with the idea of your best friend and boyfriend lying on the floor, curled up in a ball. That's not exactly you."

"Well he hurt me, Peej, a lot. I don't exactly know what to say to him," I admitted.

"Okay, then don't. You just need to go home and make sure he isn't unconscious or anything. Dan, as much as I would love for you to stay, you need to get yourself home to your boyfriend."

I sighed. "I will go home, but keep your phone on. I want to know that someone can help me." He nodded, before the two of them sent me off quickly.

XXXXX

I don't believe there is such thing as silence. When everything is quiet, there is still a sound. That sound is either incredibly high pitched, or dull and low. That sound fills the void and is almost painful.

As I walked into the flat, I heard that sharp shrill of silence. Not a sound seemed to creak through the entire house, and I could have sworn my heart stopped. I was very much alive with fear, though.

I walked in further, and saw him sitting there on the couch. There was a mug of tea in Phil's hands, but it looked long cooled. His eyes were glassy and fixed on the television, but when I checked it, it was off and blank. I called his name, but received no response.

I called him once more, and slowly his face turned toward me. It frightened me the way he looked through me. I for a moment forgot my anger at him, and just wanted to hold him. His face turned the other way again. He looked sick.

"Phil," I whispered in utter shock. What had happened to healthy, happy, beautiful boyfriend? I dropped my keys and my sunglasses onto the table and walked toward him.

I knelt down in front of him and placed my hands on his. He focused a little, and looked at me, finally.

"D-D-D-Dan, I-I am so sorry. I thought I lost you. I thought you had left forever. I was stupid, I know. I did something that tore us apart and I can't ever forgive myself for that." Tears flowed from his gorgeous eyes. I was quite confused. Sure I had been incredibly upset, but he was wrecked by an argument. He was so emotionally distraught.

Only now did I realize how cold it was in the flat. We had left the windows open for some reason, and Phil was wearing a thin T-shirt. It was freezing in here, and I noticed him shaking slightly. I pulled off my leather jacket that I was wearing and wrapped it around his shoulders. "Phil, Phil, baby, calm down. It's okay. It's okay, I was upset, but I forgive you. Why are you so worked up? I'm right here!" I kissed his hands slowly.

"Why are you not furious with me?" He asked.

I just hushed him as I got up and sat next to him. He fell onto me, and sobbed into my lap. "Phil," I whispered when his crying slowed. He lifted his head up, and it became level with mine. I grabbed his chin and pulled him forward into a kiss. I don't care how upset I was at him earlier. This is now. Right now I know two things. One, I love him so much. Two, I was taking him to the hospital first thing in the morning. He was not acting like himself, and I wanted the doctors to see him.

"Dan," he whispered with his face against mine.

"Yeah?"

"I love you so much."

"I love you too, Phil."

An eleventh chapter completed for you.

Please review. Let me know what you think! Je t'aime tellement 3 Bye! ~Lexi~


	12. Won't You Stay With Me

Won't You Stay With Me?

_Because you're all I need._

We didn't really sleep that night. I sat there, cradling who I believed to be a now mentally ill version of my boyfriend. He seemed to cling to me as a bug does to a leaf; holding on for its life, in hopes to not be swept away by the wind. At one point, he seemed to gain control over himself again. He sat up, and we talked for a bit. We even played some video games, but within a few hours, he collapsed onto me in an agonizing cry.

The sun had come up three hours ago, and we were sitting there, talking. We talked about such nonsense things. What would the next MCR album be if they were still together? Would you rather play golf all year nonstop or eat nothing but orange peels? I basically wanted to talk about anything that would keep him from crying.

"So Phil today is the day that the doctor wanted me to bring you in for a checkup!" I tried to be cheery.

"Let's reschedule?" he begged. "I don't remember that anyways."

"No, no, it'll be fun."

He groaned loudly.

XXXXX

Two hours later we were sitting in the hospital waiting room. I had spoken with a nurse as to why we were here on the phone while Phil showered. We waited for the doctor to free up. Phil still thought it was a checkup.

"Ah Misters Dan and Phil Howell?" The doctor said, waltzing out into the room.

"Dan Howell and Phil Lester," I chuckled.

"My apologies," he said without skipping a beat. "Phil, we're going to be giving you an MRI today."

"Okay," he said skeptically. "I don't understand though, I have my memory back."

"Regular procedure, Mr. Lester, I do apologize." He gave a smile and a quick wink.

"It's okay Phil," I whispered to him, patting his knee. "It'll be a quick MRI scan and they can make sure you're all good."

"If you'll just come with me, sir."

"C-can Dan come too?" Phil stuttered.

"He can come into the viewing area, not the scan room."

Phil mouthed a 'please' to me, so I followed. He was visibly shaking. I knew he hated these things.

"Alright, lay down here, and Dan and I will go in that room right there," the doctor said.

Phil grabbed my hand and held onto it tightly. "Phil, I'll be right in there," I said pointing at the room.

"No, don't make me do this, please. Please."

I gave him a strong smile, rubbed my thumb over his knuckles, and pecked his lips. "You'll be fine."

XXXXX

The scan was complete, and we were waiting for results. They had put us in a private room by ourselves to wait so we could talk.

Talking didn't really come, as Phil's empty look began again. He looked through the wall as though it weren't there. His eyes reflected the light of the room.

"Phil," I whispered. I grabbed his chin and turned him towards me. I kissed him, which seemed to bring him out of the trance. "Hey, I love you."

"Love you too," he said, smiling.

Our intertwined hands bumped against the metal arms of the chairs to a beat. We waited in painful anticipation for the doctor to come back.

There was a short, blunt knock at the door. The doctor opened the door, walked in, and sat down in a chair.

"Hello again," he said.

We both said hi, and shook his hand once again.

"So, your results for the scan are in."

"Well?"

"Well, your scans showed one issue. There is slight damage to a section of your brain. It could very well be affecting you, and that is most likely why Mr. Howell brought you in today." The doctor frowned.

Both of us had our eyes wide. "Wh-what does that mean for Phil?" I croaked out.

"Well, there is going to be some trouble, you see the part of his brain affected may cause troubles to his actions, his thought process, and his emotions. He is going to have some difficulty."

"Is there anything we can do?"

"Mr. Howell, there is a procedure that could fix this problem one hundred percent."

"Great! Let's do it! Right Phil?" I nudged the still dazed body beside me.  
"However, this is very expensive, and the odds of it working are not perfect. There is a fatality possibility."

My face dropped like Phil's as well. The doctor had a professional look on his face, but his knuckles we white as he clenched the clipboard.

"I'll leave you two alone to discuss what your plan is," he stated simply.

We sat in silence for a long time. We were staring at each other. No words seemed fathomable. What were we supposed to discuss anyway?

"Well, what should I do?"

"Phil, I don't know what to say. I knew something was wrong, but I figured some medicine would fix you up. I can't risk you. But you are only going to get worse like this."

"It's okay, I'll be okay."

"Phil we can pay for the surgery."

"Dan, no."

"There is such a high risk, but at least you won't get worse." I was actually trying to reason with myself, not him. "I don't want to lose you, Phil."

XXXXX

Well, after much dispute and a lot of crying, we decided to go ahead with the procedure. Phil and I were in waiting at the wing of the hospital in which it was happening. His head was lying in my lap as he was stretched out on a bench. I rubbed circles in his dark hair, and silently prayed.

His eyes were closed, his mouth fixed in a line, and his chest rising and falling in an uneasy pattern.

"Philip Lester?" A woman called, walking into the room.

Phil's eyes opened and he looked at me.

"That's us," I said.

"Hello, I'm Doctor Amelia Collins. I will be in charge of your surgery. You must be Dan," She looked at me at the last part. I nodded.

Phil stuck his hand out and she shook it, sitting up. He attempted to smooth his tousled hair, and fixed his shirt.

"We are ready for you, so as soon as you are prepared, I'll take you in there." She smiled an attempt-at-comforting-smile, and stood up. She didn't leave, rather struck up conversation with a nurse.

I looked at Phil, who in return, looked at me with a look of dread and pure horror. His usually bright eyes seemed to sparkle more, but it appeared as though this was because of the tears that seemed to prick earnestly at his eyes, seeking release. He did not look calm, he did not look confident, he looked terrified, and, I suppose, rightfully so.

"Phil, you are going to be just fine." I pulled him to me in a hug. "You will be okay, you know that, right?"

"Dan, what if I die?"

"You won't die."

"Dan, I am terrified," he whispered. It was a whisper, but its sound rang in my ears for an eternity. I knew he was terrified. I was terrified. I needed to stay strong and calm for his sake, though.

"It'll be okay, I'll be there when you wake up." I smiled at him.

A single tear traversed down his pale cheek. He kissed me, and I wrapped an arm around him. I knew the small possibility that this could be the last time we kissed. I wanted to make it count.

"I love you," I said, running my thumb along his jaw line once we parted, and rubbing his shoulders to make him less shaky.

"I love you too," he said. "So much."

"You can do this, Philip. You can do this for me, for you, for our fans, for everyone. Do this as proof that you beat down all the people who were mean to you. You can make it through this silly little surgery like a pro. Do it because I love you." I felt tears nearly spilling over bridge that was the edge of my eyelid. "You are strong, and brave, and beautiful."

He was in tears as we parted. The doctor came and whisked him off to some room down the hall. I was left speechless, standing in the same place for almost an hour before a nurse came and made me sit down.

**Phil's Surgeon's POV**

The surgery had been going fairly well so far. We were fixing the damaged section of his brain. We didn't have to open him up completely, just a small area. This made it easier, as we could have him lying horizontally.

I hadn't admitted it outside, but I knew these two boys. I was a huge fan of their YouTube channels. Talk about added pressure… I was going to go check the charts, see what else was needed before we sewed him back up.

"Hmmm." I said curiously as his heart monitor began to go a little irregular.

_BEEP_

_BEEP_

_BEEEP_

_BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP _

_Flat line._

End of another chapter for which most of you have probably already shined your guns to shoot me with. Please don't shoot me. I love you all. I'll see you all next chapter 3 ~Lexi~


	13. Is This Goodbye?

Is This Goodbye?

_Please stay. I need you. You keep me sane._

Dan's POV

I paced the floor for an eternity. Something felt wrong. Something felt very wrong. It had been hours, and I had barely sat down; barely calmed down in any way. I frantically needed to see him. Each time a door opened anywhere, I ran toward it. I looked like a complete imbecile, I'm sure.

"Dan," a voice said to me. I was staring down the hallway he had been rolled through. "Dan." The owner of the voice's hand rested on my shoulder.

I slowly turned around to find PJ. Right, I remembered texting him a while back.

"Dan, hi," he said, looking at me, trying to get me to smile a bit.

Instead of smiling, I fell into his arms, sobbing and shaking. I cried into his chest, and told him how scared I was. I told him how I thought Phil might die, and how I thought I would have to die if he did because I couldn't live without him in my life.

"Shh, Dan it's okay. It is okay. Phil will be fine. Phil is so strong, you know that. He will make it through this, and he will be better. After a few weeks, everything will be back to normal, yeah?" His soothing voice calmed me down a bit.

We sat down and talked for a bit. Ten minutes later, a busy-looking nurse came out in a rush.

"Family of Philip Lester?" She called.

I shot up from my seat. She walked over to me, an almost emotionless face on as she did.

"Is Phil okay? Can I see him?" My voice was as panicked and scattered as my thoughts. I needed to see Phil right then.

"Mr. Howell," she began. My heart plucked itself from my chest and was thrown out of me. It felt as though it crashed through every level of the tall hospital building. "There have been some complications with the surgery."

I started to push past her, but she firmly grabbed my arm and kept me in my place. "Is Phil okay? Is… is he…"

"Mr. Lester is fine," she said, finally reassuring me with a smile. "There were some complications however. Phil's heart stopped three times during the surgery."

My eyes widened with shock. "Please. Please let me see him. I need to see him." I was begging the woman.

"Well, I'm really not supposed to let anyone except immediate family in to see him…"

"I am his family. His parents aren't that close to here. Please, I need to see him."

The nurse looked from side to side before leaning in close to me. "Follow me, and if anyone asks, you pretend you two are married, yeah?"

"Thank you. Thank you so much, you have no idea how thankful I am." Tears crept out of my eyes as she walked me down the hallway to a room.

"Now you need to not make him fuss too much. He is going to be very drowsy, tired, and in pain. Press the call button on the wall if you need anything. I will be back in after a while."

"Thank you," I breathed as I pushed the door to his room open. Phil was laying in a hospital bed, eyes closed, and a portion of his now shaven head wrapped up in a bandage. His chest was rising and falling steadily, and a monitor on the wall showed his heart rate.

I sat down in the chair that was beside the bed. I took his hand in mine and sighed, looking at him. Phil looked so different with a shaved head. I knew his hair would grow back quickly, maybe even within a month or two, as his hair grows incredibly quick, but nonetheless, it looked so different.

I felt him stirring slightly. His eyes slowly began to blink open, and I sat there, smiling at him and rubbing circles on his forearm.

"Hey Phil," I whispered, kissing his hand.

"Dan," he mumbled. "My head is cold."

I laughed a little. "How are you feeling?"

"I've been better," he said. We both remained silent for a couple minutes. "Dan, are you going to kiss me because I survived, or…"

I smiled and looked up to see the joking grin on his face. I put a hand on the side of his face. There was paleness to his face. I kissed him softly and pulled away, smiling weakly. Feeling his lips against my own made me think of what it would be like to never kiss him again. I suddenly felt sick again.

"Dan, what's wrong?" His voice was quiet, tired, and now suddenly quite worried. He tried to reposition in his bed, but gave up, obviously in pain.

"Your… your heart stopped three times." I paused for a long time, trying to regain control over my emotions.

"Oh…" He sighed deeply, and his heart monitor made some weird noises. "I…I am so sorry. Dan I never want to leave you. I never will leave you."

I sighed and told him to sleep. He did, and I found myself staring at the consistency of his heart monitor. Each beep is just a simple noise, a disturbance, even; to some people's ears, but I found it amazing. Each little sound, each little prick of noise is something extraordinary. Every single one of those little beeps means life. It means my boyfriend is alive. It means I am so not alone. Each beep reassures me that I am okay, and that Phil is okay. That was all I needed.

I was entranced by the sound. I listened for hours. I felt the sound. I felt like I became one with the sound. I rocked back and forth slightly to it until I felt Phil's hand stop me.

We stayed for a few nights, until the hospital cleared him to go home. Things seemed to be a lot better for both of us. We were so ready to go home and sleep for real.

"Are you ready to go?" Phil asked me, pulling a black beanie over his stubbly head. He rarely wore hats, but for some reason he was very self conscious of his hairlessness.

"I am very ready," I said, patting my pocket to make sure I had my phone. We walked side by side out of the hospital, checking out at the front desk. Our fingers brushed against each other as we walked in what can only be described as a comfortable awkwardness.

"Do you think that we can finally have a little bit of a normal life now?" Phil asked, whispering to me in the back of the cab. "We haven't had time to even do any normal couple stuff yet."

"I hope so," I sighed, leaning my head against his shoulder. He then rested his head against mine and closed his eyes.

"I hope my hair grows fast," he said some-what humorously.

I laughed. "Me too," I said. "Although you are kind of cute like this too." I smiled and felt his blush.

We have had quite a streak of bad things happening. Can we possibly have a little while of things being normal?

Chapter Complete.

I hope you guys are enjoying this so far! Please review Okay bye for now! ~Lexi~


	14. Table For Two

Table For Two

Phil sighed loudly as he set a bag down next to a table. "It'll be nice to be home," he whispered before plopping down in a chair.

"Yes, I agree." I smiled as I watched him. He was finally going to be himself. Since we had gotten together, there had only been a short period of time he hadn't been having problems with brain damage. I was ready for something normal.

"We should make a few videos soon," Phil said, playing with the hat he had just taken off between his fingers.

"Sure, once you are feeling better again maybe we can get back on a video schedule."

I sat down on the couch next to him. We just talked for a while, about nothing really. Eventually the two of us fell asleep, heads resting against one another's. It was nice and relaxing. We had both had a long past couple days, and really needed a nap. It was quiet, and we slept continuously, waking only to the sound of a knock on our door.

"I'll get it," I whispered, standing up and pecking him on the nose as I passed. I opened the door to one of our neighbors from down the hall. Harry Davidson was a man who was about seventy-two years old. He was very nice and had us over for tea sometimes. We didn't know everyone here, but we knew this older man fairly well. "Oh hi Harry," I said, yawning.

"Hello Dan, sorry, did I wake you?"

"Its okay, what's up?"

"I heard about Phil, and I wanted to see how he was doing." He smiled cheerfully and his rose colored cheeks brightened.

"Oh sure! We just got home from the hospital ourselves. That is why we have been asleep." I let him in to the living room. Phil leaned his head backwards over the couch so he could see us.

"Oh hello Harry," he said. He stood up and walked awkwardly over to us. The three of us talked for a while about various things, mostly Phil, before Harry left, saying goodbye and telling us he hoped Phil felt better soon. He was a very sweet and kind man, and he had kind of acted like a father to us there.

We returned to our couch. "Can we go do something tonight?" Phil smiled at me.

"We just got out of the hospital today," I laughed. "Aren't you pretty tired?"

"Sure I am _tired_, but I also want to go do something with you. I was thinking something nice and romantic. You know, dinner, maybe a walk through downtown tonight? You know our one proper date was a long time ago." He placed his hand on top of mine.

"Well that sounds amazing to me, but only if you are up to it. I don't want you passing out in the middle of the road or anything, okay?" My heart was beating incredibly fast. I was so excited.

"I am, let's get changed and head out. We can walk then."

I picked out a T-shirt, knowing we were going casual, some jeans, and a jacket. I went into the bathroom to straighten my hair. The past few days have not allowed me much time for hair straightening.

I walked out to find Phil dressed similarly. On his head was a black beanie, which I am sure he would appreciate anyway, seeing as to how cold it was anyway. His back was turned to me, as he was looking in a mirror at himself. I could see his eyes glistening with a strange sadness. I understood it, he had said how bad he felt about making me wait on him for so long. I didn't mind, I loved him.

I quietly walked up behind him and wrapped my arms around his waist, interlocking my fingers in front. I rested my head on his shoulder and looked in the mirror with him. "You are so beautiful," I whispered.

He turned around and wrapped his arms around my neck. He leaned forward until his face was an inch away from my face. I could feel my breath hitching slightly, but I ignored it. I closed the gap between us, sealing my lips with his in a calm and sweet kiss. I tightened my arms around him and he did the same so that we were so close in each other's arms. It had been so long since I had kissed him like this, and I couldn't explain how much I missed him. I felt a tear or two fall from my eye. We stayed like that for a few minutes, kissing, happily embraced by one another.

When we pulled away, I whispered, "Let's go."

We walked outside and began our short trek downtown to find a place to eat. Settling on a small pizza parlor, we entered, leaving the frigid air outside.

"Hello," a man with a thick mustache greeted us. "Table for two?"

I smiled, grabbing Phil's hand. "Yes please." I liked the sound of that. Table for _two._

We got our pizzas and ate, enjoying each other being there. Phil was eating a slice of pizza and got a big lump of sauce on his face. I laughed and leaned across the table with a napkin to wipe it off.

"There, better." I laughed again as he turned fifty shades redder.

Everything went amazing. We stood up to leave, handing the waiter the exact amount of money. I pulled my coat on and then kissed Phil. I was kissing him a lot lately. I honestly could not help myself. It took about ten seconds.

"Ready to go for a little walk?" I asked Phil, reaching forward and straightening his collar. He nodded.

"You two gentlemen have a _very _good evening," the waiter said, winking at us. I blushed, but thanked him and walked out.

We walked hand in hand through the downtown area. It had turned dark at some point, and the lights that glimmered down on us reflected in Phil's beautiful eyes. I had known him for so many years, but I still was getting butterflies in my stomach from looking at him. He was the most gorgeous person I had ever seen.

The waiter's words were continuously ringing in my ears. "You two gentlemen have a _very _nice evening." I intended to make it that way.

After the most amazing night ever, we returned home. I led Phil to the couch were we both sat down, facing eachother with our legs crossed.

"Philip Michael Lester. Phil you are the most amazing person I have ever met and I wish that I could let you feel what I feel about you. I just. I just love you so so much. Phil, oh my god I love you. I just want you to know that because when I see you, I feel my heart flip and that is the best thing ever. I don't know how I can show you. I just… I just… I love you." I was sobbing. My feelings for him were so strong and I wanted him to know that.

"Dan, shhh, Dan it's okay." He pulled me forward into his arms. "Dan I love you so much. I know how you feel. I'm right here, and trust me I am not going anywhere anytime soon. You are the best thing t ever happen to me, and I would not change anything that has happened in the past few months for anything. You don't need to cry. Please don't cry. I know how you feel." He rubbed my back. "It's okay love."

"Phil, how do you do that?" I asked. I noticed his confusion so I continued. "How do you manage to be so amazing? How did I get so lucky?"

Phil put his hand on the side of my face and rubbed his thumb up and down against my cheek. We both had tiny smiles on, and it was evident the love we had for each other. I couldn't be a luckier person.

"You look tired," he whispered to me. "Let's get you to bed, yeah?"

He took my hand and pulled me up, leading me to my room. I laid down in my bed after pulling off my shirt and jeans. Phil pulled my blankets over me and kissed my head. "Goodnight, Dan," he whispered. "I love you."

"Phil?"

"Yeah?"

"Can you stay?"

"Sure." He crawled onto my bed next to me and turned. We were face-to-face. I grabbed Phil's hands and slowly drifted off happily to sleep.

Chapter complete! Review please! Let me know what you think, and if you like it! Okay bye 3 ~Lexi~


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